How to be a Top Single - Everyday!
Close your eyes for a second…when I say “top single”, who do you imagine? Images flash across your mind. J-Lo in her body stocking. Kim Kardashian with her longer than life lashes. Cameron Diaz and her mega-watt smile. Jennifer Aniston and her luscious locks. Or, maybe it’s the new hot girl at work, with a bangin’ 36-24-36 body, long glossy hair and a Crest Whitestrips smile. The answer is maybe all of them – but not for the reasons you think. As a dating coach who helps people find love, I know what makes top singles successful—and looks alone are not it. Top singles are proactive in creating opportunities to meet men wherever they go – and know that the power lies within themselves. They bring their best possible assets to the game: a winning attitude, an open mind and most of all, charm, the most powerful tool in any top single’s arsenal. Top singles ACT and take advantage of every opportunity:
1) A= Aware and Approachable
Think about it, how many romantic comedies can you think of that don’t involve two strangers meeting in an unexpected way in an unexpected place? Top singles know that you can’t just peruse dating network sites every night. You have to get off auto-pilot and get into “meet mode” by looking for opportunities everywhere you go. Whether it’s the workplace, the gym, Starbucks, or Whole Foods, approach every environment with an open dating mind – and talk to a stranger! Take a deep breath before you walk in, be present in the moment and look approachable! Smile, look around and be aware of who’s looking at you. Find the people with “friendly faces” and give a warm smile, rich eye contact, and give a warm “hi”! Men tell me every day – I will never approach a woman who hasn’t given me the sign (eye contact and a smile) – so give the sign, ladies!
2) C= Create a Conversation
If fear of public speaking is the most significant fear, striking up a conversation with a total stranger is a close second. When you are prepared, it's not as difficult as you think! The environment around you is RICH with natural icebreakers & conversational props. Take Starbucks - there are dozens conversation starters everywhere you look: the amazing selection of scones, the headlines on the newspaper, or something interesting someone is wearing (sports hat, nice scarf, a briefcase). Sincere compliments, the cornerstone of charm, are fantastic jump starters. Recently at Starbuck’s I saw a nice looking, friendly face and challenged myself to strike up conversation. Thinking quickly, I said "You know….I've been on a drink treadmill for the last few weeks (triple skim cappuccino), and I want to try something new. Tell me your favorite drink, and I'm ordering it – I need to shake it up this morning!" He said, “Frappucino” – looking at me with a raised eyebrow. I ordered it – and he laughed. We got into an hour-long conversation, and he ended up sending us a dating client!
3) T= Take it to connection!
So your hard work paid off. You got out of your comfort zone, sent out positive, friendly dating vibrations, and met someone in an unexpected way, just like in the movies! So now you want to show him that you’re interested. A great way to do that is to soften up your body language – because 93% of the impression you’ll make is based upon non-verbal communication! Here’s an easy mnemonic device “SOFTEN UP” to remember how to do that:
S = Smile (universal sign of happiness, and sexy/attractive)
O = Open Body Language (don’t cross your arms – looks angry/disinterested)
F = Forward Lean (don’t lean back in your chair, looks like you’re bored)
T = Touch Appropriately (on the arm, back, elbow, hand while conversing)
E = Eye Contact (eyes are the windows to the soul – look into them!)
N = Nodding (not like an eager toddler– gently to show you’re in agreement!)
U = Undivided Attention (even if George Clooney walks by, try not to look!)
P = Positive (don’t talk about exes, your bad boss, your frenemies)
Top singles know that good men are EVERYWHERE – and they create opportunities to meet them everyday. Don’t each lunch at your desk, buy your newspaper at Starbucks – get out of your house!! If you push yourself, ACT quickly, and follow these tips, your single will quickly become a double J
Posted on Wed, February 15, 2012