Settling vs. Prioritizing

If you have lots of single friends, it's likely that you hear the phrase, "I'm never going to settle" quite often - or maybe you're the type of person who says that yourself to explain why you're still riding solo. Of course finding someone compatible to spend the rest of your life with is not a decision you should make lightly. But are you sure you have the correct understanding of the "never going to settle" mentality?

A way to re-phrase that mentality to better comprehend it (or to explain it to others) is "I won't settle, but I will prioritize." The difference between settling and prioritizing is that settling means you're accepting less than you deserve, while prioritizing means you establish and then focus on the right kind of standards that will make you truly happy. Prioritizing is a positive skill, essential to balancing your career, hobbies, relationships, and life in general. So apply it to your search for that special someone!

At SDA, we regularly work with clients who are highly successful, attractive individuals. It's natural to be concerned with physical looks, income, etc., however it can also hold you back from finding the person that will truly make you happy. The most important question to consider is "how does this person treat you?

Maybe you’ve always had a thing for women with freckles, or for men with thick dark hair - there’s no need to try to rid yourself of the unique quirks of attraction that’s been wired into you from birth. But if you require a six-figure income, ask yourself where that need stems from. If you're just trying to find someone who will impress your parents and make all your friends jealous, is that really a good reason? And if you find yourself associating a high salary with intelligence and capability, go back to the one important question: how does this person treat you? If you are having mutually respectful conversations that encourage your intellectual and emotional growth, you don't need to fear lack of smarts despite the fact that he/she may have a lower salary than you.

However, if there is a lack of respect, care, and encouragement of growth between you and a potential long-term partner, you are indeed settling if you choose to stay with that person. It doesn't matter if he or she is a millionaire surgeon who used to be a supermodel - prioritize being treated right, and never settle for less."