My friends are amazing…I get them to do the craziest things in service of the blog…sharing bikini wax stories, going to the rodeo, to the pole dancing class, well, no, actually a friend promised to do pole dancing, but in the end I had to do that alone.
When we left my test dater in Chicago she’d spent the morning at a photo shoot and an intensely satisfying personal shopping experience—her first—at Nordstoms. (“They zipped up the pink dress and I swear thirty pounds disappeared.”) All organized and facilitated by Bela Gandhi, of Smart Dating Academy.
Yet to come was the crux of the matter, Quality time with Bela on how to eliminate “speed bumps” in the dating process.
“First she had me list my ‘wants’ in a partner,” said my fearless dater. “After that I was to talk about my best friends. And how did those friends make me feel?
“With Claire, for example, I feel successful and cherished and valued. Those attributes, then become my needs in a partner.”
How totally sensible….Bela is in fact refreshing in how she sees the dating process. “You need to be yourself, but the best version of YOU.” Crazy me, who’s been married since the beginning of time, would have no idea how to go about something like this. If I were trying to figure out wants and needs, I might make a list of “wants” and then look at that list, make asterisks next to the most important ones and say those are “needs.” But how much better to see how you have already made up the list of “needs.”
“I have a homework,” says my fearless dater. “First book on my reading list, ‘Stop Saying ‘I’m Fine.’”
Posted on Thu, September 22, 2011
by Bela Gandhi